Reality & fantasy.
Saturday, September 8, 2007 11:20 AM
Some things you don't want to give up,
but deep down in your heart you know you got to.
But, letting go doesn't mean giving up,
it means accepting that somethings wasn't meant to be.
I teared so much,last night.
No,not the things he did.
It's just,i get all emotional.
I wonder what will i do,without him.
Well,people say it's not always about him.
& not always about you & him.
Something will happen,one day,
With or without we wanting it to.
But,what do they know?
He meant the world to me.
& he is what i am,now.
Giving myself a second chance.
And,never giving up easily.
I'm not the eff who i used to be,
years ago.
The effah you know now,
is more sensible & maturer.
Not the one who cuts her arms,anymore.
Though,she still does do that,at times.
Not the effah who runs away from home,
when everything just doesn't goes right.
Not the effah who shuns away from her beloved friends,
when she feels like doing so.
& surely not the effah who admits defeat.
Ask rabbit,eisha,erma,minah,desrina & my old friends.
They known me too well.
Ask them how i was in those pizzahut & secondary times.
Guys disappoint me,again & again.
I did many wrong things,at that point of time.
I was only 15-17 years old,at that time.
& already was facing too much.
Damnn all those boys!
Ask mum & dad how i was.
Rebellious,fucking rebellious!
More than how i am,now.
But,now i learnt.
That life is all isn't about me.
& no matter how your family is,
you got to stick together through whatever.
I became sensible & more responsible.
& yes,
from the other him to the other & the other.
I only learn how to take their money,
& went off from their life.
Telling them how much i love them.
Yes,i was only 16 back then.
But,when i met A,i stop doing that.
Thought he was old & has better brains.
But,i was wrong yet again.
He has the same qualities as a player.
Then,i met another A.
I thought he loved me,after everything.
Trusted him & so on forth.
He too,was a player.
I stopped believing in love.
Telling myself that i was too young.
& moved on.
I told myself i can do it.
& i really did.
& skip all the debacles after.
Till then,i met him.
Yes,my Mahadi Bin Juraimi.
Someone who showed me what love is.
Someone who never was playing with me.
& someone who showers me with love.
Though there was shits & whatnots,
we swam through all that.
& look,where have we landed to.
I'm utterly grateful.
Words just cannot express my gratefulness.
& till now,from the bottom of my heart,
I've always love you,madee.
Pardon me for being so emotional.
& for this fucking long entry!
You don't have to read if you don't want to.
HEEEEEE. (:
muchh lovee;
EFF.
Some things you don't want to give up,
