Pieces of me.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008 11:12 AM
There are just certain things in life that are better off unknown;
things you wish you never asked, never saw,
never heard or never even felt.
It's already a Wednesday..
& it's already the 9Th.
Why am i even telling you this?
Because mainly,I'm still jobless.
& that maybe,i felt that time is running way too fast now.
See? It's already 2008.
Sigh.
Even more, I had never meant to love him.
One thing I truly knew,
knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones,
knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet,
knew it in my empty chest,
was how love gave someone the power to break you.
It's still lingering.
Yes,the feeling never failed to stay with me.
What is it telling me,exactly? Why oh why??
I hate being this way. I don't want to.
But,do i have a choice?
Choices are everywhere but why i chose this way?
Sometimes,i wish the answer will never rise.
Have you ever thought that if one thing hadn't happened,
a whole set of things never would have either?
Like dominoes in time,
a single event kicked off an unstoppable series of changes,
that gained momentum and spun out of control,
and nothing was ever the same.
No doubt that i love you.
But,i can't stand it.
I know i need you but i still denied it.
Sometimes,it just takes time to understand me.
& only sometimes do i understand..
It's not you. But,it's me.
Who refuse to accept reality & it's doings.
Do you ever try to think what he did for you?
Of all that he sacrificed when you claimed that he did nothing?
Of all the lies you hid from him when you claimed he lied to you?
Of all he tolerated when you claimed he doesn't have tolerance?
Of all that he did out of your whining,your tantrums?
Why? Why are you still stubborn then?
Look back to all your past,have they ever been like him?
Have they ever tried to even understand you?
Well,at least he did. He did it even if he fails.
You know all this,except that you wish to deny the fact.
You only want the best out of him. But,have you ever give him your best?
Yes,he's not perfect. But then,no one is.
You expect this & that out of him but you overlooked the things he had done.
All that he has done can compare to nothing your exes have ever did.
When you choose to throw instead of salvaging this relationship,
did he ever try to throw you away? Did he?
He may hurt you. But,he loves you just as much.
Consider yourself lucky,eff. Well,at least you should.
Try to think. Like he always have told you,"think & look."
Eff,that's something for you to reflect on yourself.
muchh lovee;
EFF.
There are just certain things in life that are better off unknown; 
