someplace wonderful.

to love and honour.

2009-12-12T11:55:00.002+08:00

I can't force your feelings, I can't make you love me if you don't.
Sure we both can pretend, but that would be anything but fair.

today is 12/12/2009. i wish i could just speed the time to 12/12/12. ((:
but then again,just let me enjoy these few moments of my life. heeeeee.
today's saturday & i'm feeling loads better maybe cos,we're going swimming..
HAHA. i haven't been swimming for ages & i don't have a swimsuit! GREAT.
grrrr,i wish i could just wear shorts & t-shirt like at malaysia. booohooo.

sigh. the boy just came back from his night shift & obviously,snoring now!
he says that around 2pm,he would wake up.. well,let's see okay? i doubt it!
right now,all i want is to update before my internet gets cut off. dang.
plus,it's a nice date aniways... hehehehehehe. :P

You can close your eyes for the things you don't want to see,
you can cover your ears for things you don't want to hear.
You can shut your mouth and act like you don't know,
but you can't deny what was really there.

2 more days to our.. 41st! i guess,time just flies.. it really does.
but alhamdullilah,our relationship is still going on strong & it will.
i haven't bought him anything cos i am broke! HAHA. sigh sigh sigh.
i guess,i would make something custom made,with love and care. heeee.
a card,something,something.. i failed at creativity,if you wanna know...

i've got an interview on monday,it's part time & i guess,i shall try it first.
for the mean time before i found a better paying one,why not right?
at least,there's money in my bank rather than zilch. so,why not go for it?
i'm not some rich born spoil brat with fathers paying for everything!
*ROLLS EYES* i'm not jealous,just don't show off this & that.. please.
your FATHER worked for it,NOT YOU. tsssskkkkk!

Shower the people you love with love,
show them the way that you feel.

at the end of it.

2009-12-11T09:56:00.002+08:00

You can be happy tomorrow.
You can be happy when you get through your list of things to do.
You can be happy when you meet the one.
You can be happy when you get the right job.
You can be happy when you get that raise.
You can be happy when you stop buying the things,
you need and start buying the things you want.
You can be happy when you retire.
You can be happy when the weather suits you.
You can be happy on a plane. You can be happy in the rain.
Or you can stop reading this, take a deep breath, and be happy right now.

it's friday and i'm supposed to be tgif gleefulness today but nah. =/
either i'm frustated at facebook for being such a bitch,slow like hell.
or that,i'm just not feeling well with maybe down with chickenpox.
maybe because,the damn pay is not in yet! what the hell?! fucking slow.
i'm downright broke. pissed off. couldn't care less and sick. GREAT!

sigh. because my pay's not in,the bill's not paid. they gonna cut it. )):
that means,no internet,no hp,no house phone. right. thanks alot huh.
i wish i could just stop everything in this world that needs money.
bloody hell,i can only dream on. come on eff,you're tough & you know it.

Knowing that something won't happen won't make you want it less.

resume is done and soon,i'll be applying for jobs. i can't wait any longer.
well,i can wait. but the piling up of bills and whatnots,certainly can't. =/
sometimes i wish,money would just fall off the sky already!!!! dream on.
well,my dream to be a millionaire is not crush,i'm still on the road to it. (:

facebook is such a bitch when it comes to uploading photos. jeeeeez!
i loathe it. i really do. how many times i have to keep repeating?!!!!
i need to upload the photos before my internet gets cut off. HAHAHA.
that's the other bitchy thing,i need to call my old workplace to check,
whether have they mailed my cheque or they have forgotten. -__-

I've been thinking a lot lately about taking chances,
and how it's really just about overcoming your fears.
Because the truth is, every time you take a big risk in your life,
no matter how it ends up, you're always glad you took it.

if you don't see me updating these few days after tomorrow,that means..
HAAAARRR DEEE HAARRRR. they have already cut off my line. ))):
damn the pay,damn singtel. well,i'll be back. no worries. hehehehe.
once i get my pay,i'll be damn broke again & there will be no pay for me.
great. great. great. life sucks.

I guess when you're young,
you just believe there be many people with whom you'll connect with.
Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times.

goodbye.

2009-12-10T19:35:00.006+08:00

Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone;
and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come.
Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.

hey everyone,i'm back from my holiday with the boy & his family. (:
it was great,stress reliever and finally,i'm back to face with reality!! jeez.
trip to cameron highlands,perak,penang,pulau pangkor & lumut.
finally,the last day was to the boy's auntie's kampung at johor.
somehow,i found peace. i find myself not stressing myself everywhere.

i am on a journey of rediscovering myself. but where do i start?
i have been feeling lost. i don't know who i am anymore. i'm not me.
i don't know where the eff that used to be went to? where is she,dear god?
i know you will guide me through this,i know you will be there.

The saddest thing in the world is,
loving someone who used to love you.

so,i guess,just a few pictures here.. i am so lazy to upload the bunch of it!
as so it seems,it can be viewed at facebook. DUH. hahaha. of course! :P
i wish i can just go back & never come back. well,that would be new york.
it is still my dream place & i know,i will get there,somehow,someday.
who says one can't dream,huh? well. we all can dream & focus on it.

i have been avoiding life. i have been avoiding everyone,to say it.
i really don't know what's wrong with me anymore nor care what is.
i just wish that i could just make it all go away but that's just wishing.
life's tough and you have to toughen it up,eff. you always do.

The closer it is to forever,
the harder it is to let go.

i may have chickenpox and it is so not cool! seriously,dude. please.
the symptoms are there. i have not been feeling well,headaches and such.
and things like pimples been popping out & i can't stop scratching!!! ugh.
i hate it. i hate it. i don't like it. my face,especially. omg,i hate the face!! ):
it's like pimples but worse,if you scratch,the scars would be there for LIFE!

i'm going to the polyclinic tomorrow & hopefully,*cross fingers*,it's not that.
i just hope it's rashes but i doubt it. god. so saddening. i loathe it,very much. ):
if it is what it is,2 weeks of imprisonment at home without going out. =/
how can i imagine life like that?!!!!! WHAT THE HELL.

There's a difference between giving up & letting go.
Giving up is sacrificing what is rightfully yours,
letting go is forgetting what was never yours.

the meaning.

2009-12-02T15:37:00.004+08:00

I want to be the smile, the first thought, the long drive or the short walk,
the last voice, the random call, the sweet dream, the perfect kiss,
the comfort hug, the sparkle in your eye,
the everything you need, just what you want. I want to be yours.

it's 2nd of December and i'm reeling! tonight's the night. har har har.
yeah right,so much for excited.. i'm more nervous that reeling it in. tsk!
i have been listening to bsb since just now. my god. so much fond memories..
right now,all i need is dosage of memories,happy thoughts & the past.
not the past as in past. but you know,happy happy times.. sigh.

i miss school. i miss me. i miss being thin. i miss being free.
i went through the thousands of pictures on my desktop,yesterday..
it brought me back to the times where i was still in school,pizzahut & such.
if only i could turn back time,i would go back and relive all those moments.
nothing,nothing can ever take all those memories away.

I guess a big part of growing up is dealing with regret.Swallowing your pride.
There are some things in life you can't go back & change,
no matter how much you want to.
I think that day I was finally forced to grow up,
to leave the past behind, for one final time.

my bags are packed,sort of. jeez. i don't know what to bring. HAHA.
hope there's wireless connection at Cameron highlands or i'll cry. ))):
well,after that would be perak,pulau pangkor i think? i really don't know.
hahaha. sometimes i wish someone would just take me to new york already!!
these few days,i keep looking up the apartments there,& boy,expensive!!

but no matter,no matter,i shall keep on believing and i'll reach there,somehow.
i'll be back on the 8th,insyallah. safely in singapore. just pray for my well being. (:
hopefully,*cross fingers*,i would be online in msn,facebook or updating. hehehe.
that is,if there's wireless connection in malaysia. *ROLLS EYES*
miss me when i'm gone? xoxo.

Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone;
and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come.
Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.

if i love you..

2009-12-01T17:54:00.002+08:00

Don't waste your time regretting all your wrongs.
Know that in the end, you'll get what your heart longs.
Try not to risk it all; don't stumble; don't fall.
Take the time to read the writings on the wall.
Hold your head high; don't be afraid to say goodbye.

it's been a while since my latest update. heh. well,here i am though. (:
guess i'm not used to my lappy,or too much doing researching. lol.
life's been here & there. still finding my solace in things. peace.
i do not deny that it is tough. it is taking it's toll on me,but not gonna give up.
i'm still going to stand strong,be determined and find a way. i will.

tomorrow,i would be going on a holiday! yipeee! except,with the IL.
well,kinda awkward & i would be restraining myself often. HAHAHA.
i'm kind of nervous,scared and everything mixed all together.. my first kay!
& i'm gonna meet his aunts,uncles and blah blah blah. dang.
kuala lumpur,cameron highlands,perak... wow. best! heeeeeee.

Stay true and be you. do everything there is to do.
Live life to the fullest and never look back -
There is a reason for the future and a reason for the past.
Love til it hurts; laugh til you cry.

in the meanwhile,today was just gossip girl marathon all the way! :P
since the new ep of season 3 is not air yet,i relived season 2... heeeee.
i just couldn't get enough of CHUCK BASS! kinda miss him being the villain..
but season 3,he's been more charming,more handsome,more romantic!!!!!
and to say,super sexy and hell sweetness!!!!! YUMMMMYYYYYLICIOUS!

i have not been rotting at home,kinda get into business,more like it?
been writing,been doing articles for true blood! i'm officially a beginner writer.
i'll give you guys the link when i get better & not lamer when i write... HAHA.
also,been researching so much on certain internet marketing & such.
see? it's not all it seems to be. I AM NOT ROTTING AT HOME.

And when your life flashes before you die,
Be happy for what you've done,
Be happy for what you've overcome,
And most of all, be proud of what you've become.

in the meantime,i shall pack up my bags to get ready to leave,tomorrow!
i can't believe it's december already! *GROANS* oh,btw,HAPPY DECEMBER!
i know,i know. tell me about it! it all seems so fast. we're saying goodbye to 2009!
it's going to be 2010... my god! it's only yesterday that i'm embracing 09. sigh.
guess that time really flies without us noticing it or either way...

no matter what,i'm ready to welcome the new year,not. well,just not yet.
let me reminisce and see what i have done in 2009 & look upon it..
i will pray that 2010 will be a start of something new,something old.
hello december,let's roll.

I live in notes and photographs
and everything I'm holding back
but you're the words that weren't enough.

breaking.

2009-11-21T15:04:00.002+08:00

you only find a few people in this world,
a few people who will tell you they love you,
and actually mean it with all their heart.
don't forget those people who stood by you through it all,
the special few that were there for you until the end.

hey,it's almost the end of november & here i am,updating after all. :P
it's been a while since i update isn't it? i miss blogging. my apologies.
my lappy hasn't been fully refurbished with my documents & pictures.
so right now,i'm using the old desktop & updating pictures & all.
just be patient with me,hehehehehehe. (:

how's life so far? promising,but what's life without its unfairness huh?
life always has it mysteries,its ups & downs,everything that you have to endure.
you get it don't you? well,for the moment,i am contented. alhamdullilah.
my family is in good shape,me and the boy are on the right track.
and hopefully,there will be more good news to come in the future. ((:

sometimes, no matter how much faith we have, we lose people.
but you never forget them, and sometimes,
it's those memories that give us the strength go on.

yesterday,was my secondary school's reunion dinner aka alumni.
it was great seeing everyone after how many goddamn long years..
& even though it was incomplete with people missing,still. it's as good.
and hopefully,*cross fingers* that,the years to come,we're still as one.
last night made me realized that i truly missed school. i miss all those times..
and i would really do anything to go back & rewind all of them,bit by bit.
sure,i may have regrets along the way but,that what makes me now right?

all my friends are somewhat in the right track,some working,some schooling.
i wish i was still in school & it's never too old to learn.. i know. i will do it.
who knows what the future holds? but am glad as hell that i'm still coping.
life's short,life's precious & i somehow learnt my lesson after a friend's accident.
that i can never take life ever so lightly & even at any age or time,you may go.
sure,life's funny,life's a bit harsh. but there's no reason not to treasure it,right?
as day goes by,i have tried to accept my life as it is,love it willingly...
who knows,you might be the next to go.......?

friendship means understanding, not agreement.
it means forgiveness, not forgetting.
it means the memories last, even if contact is lost.

i shall update soon & more regularly,as usual. i promise! (:
once i have done updating my lappy with pictures & such,i will...
for now,updates are always available at facebook! HAHA. mostly,status.
whatnots & pictures... hahaha. so well,till then.
xoxo.

friends are the ones, who, if you had nothing but them-
you'd still have it all.

39th.

2009-10-14T18:23:00.003+08:00

The thing about addiction is, it never ends well.
Because eventually, whatever it is that was getting us high,
stops feeling good, and starts to hurt.
Still, they say you don't kick the habit until you hit rock bottom.
But how do you know when you are there?
Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes,
letting it go hurts even worse.

my 2nd day off before tomorrow,because it's the last day!!!! ))):
boohooo. time flies very fast. i hate it,i hate it. please freeze the time.
sigh. facebook is annoying the hell out of me,lagging shits. seriously.
jeez. it seems that facebook has already became my life. HAHA.

the boy and i,we had a wonderful celebration together. heeeee. ((:
more,to be elaborate at my lj. i'm glad the boy love my presents..
and he was smiling,smiling & smiling my favorite smileeeeeeeeeee.
i'm so elated that i made his 21st birthday an unforgettable one!

I want to look up at the stars for answers.
Because they know me best.

happy 39th,you. we have come to the month,yet again.
and here we are still,holding on and going on strong for each other.
my love for you still remains the same,stronger everyday it seems.
people say,after they reach a certain time,love will fade... but,no.
we may be naive at some points of time,but i believe we can go through.

39 months,i still have butterflies in my stomach whenever you smile.
i still feel that like a part of me is missing when i don't see you for a day.
when i don't see you for 3 days & then i saw you after,i feel like it's the first time.
this may be mushy,or whatever you may want to say but i love you.
i love you,despite everything we have gone through. i still love you.
and i will continue to love you,till the end of time. xoxo.

Loss: something inevitable and indescribable.
Leaving you without hope, and without love.

xoxo.

2009-10-12T22:55:00.004+08:00

I was beginning to see, though,
That the unknown wasn't always the greatest thing to fear.
The people who know you the best can be riskier,
Because the words they say
And the things they think have the potential to be not only scary,
But true, as well.

it's almost midnight & i should bath! sheesh. so much for this & that.
today,officially starts my 4 off days! yipeeeee dabeeee doooooo! (:
rest,rest,rest! tomorrow,celebrating the boy's belated birthday.. heee.
only people at livejournal knows what's my plan lah hor?! hehehehehe.
so far,everything is going on well. the boy loved his presents! yay!

gah! i'm having a pimple breakout due to stress,keep getting angry,
& mostly,the pimple product finish!!!!!!! GRRRRR. i need to buy tomorrow!
by hook or by crook,i want my flawless skin face back. chey! mcm phm!
i LOATHE PIMPLES. totally LOATHE them so oh very much! tsssk!

You know it's an important thing,
Saying I love you to the people that matter most.
because you'll never know when you'll lose them,
OR when they'll lose you.

CALLING ALL EX-CCKSSIANS!!! read your facebook inbox!!! PLEASE!
i've sent all the possible peoples in my friend list that are former cckssians..
& if any of you who came across here are from the school,please refer.
someone is hosting a reunion party for ALL THE BATCHES ON 20 NOV.
the ticket only cost $15 & why do i say it's worth it?! IT'S RELIVING IT.
what's more delightful that reliving the times you had in the school,
with all your friends,mere crushes,ex-es or jerks surrounding you? HAHA.
SO SIGN UP NOW! (:

and so....

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY,BOY!!!!!!! <3
you have turn a year older,i hope you're wiser. LOL. :P
somewhat people call the age where you got the key,here you are.
many,many happy returns! may you live till ripe old age....
may you be blessed with happiness & love throughout,insyallah.
& i pray that our relationship will last till forever,if it ever exist.
i love you,very much sayang. xoxo.

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY,NAFI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
well,you may not come across here,nor ever want to have come..
but then again,many happy returns to you too! may you be blessed.
& that you be happy with your girlfriend & that insyallah,
moge panjang umor,murah rezeki.... (:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AYIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i may not see you often anymore,now that you've grown up...
badan pon da sapau mcm abang2 body builder. HAHAHAHAHAHA. :P
may you be blessed,may happiness,love & wealth bestow upon you.
hope you will make mama & ayah proud & that you will achieve in life.
take care & i hope to see you sooooon! ((:

goodbyes make you think. they make you realize who you had,
what you've lost, and what you've taken for granted.

i can wait forever.

2009-10-08T18:17:00.004+08:00

In life, we do things. Some, we wish we had never done,
and some we wish we could replay a million times,
but they make us who we are and, in the end, they shape and detail us.
If we were to reserve them, we wouldn't be the person we are today.
So, just live. Make mistakes and have wonderful memories.
But, never second guess who you are, where you've been and,
most importantly,where you're going.

thursday already?!!! so fast right! sigh. sigh. sigh.
today,half day of work & went home straight. granny came & all.
even with half day,i am still feeling so knackered & so lethargic. )):
work has really taking it's toll on me. here & there with so many things to do.
so stress nak mampos ah!!!!!!!

right now,am tweeting,blogging,downloading songs,facebook-ing.
wait,i forgot. while watching true blood. heh. so much to do,so little time!
i hadn't had enough sleep nor rest & i get so cranky everytime...
what is happening to me?! only 20 years old & already getting older.
BAAAAHHHHHHHH.

Sometimes i wonder if anything's absolute anymore.
Is There Still right and wrong? Good and bad? Truth and lies?
Or is everything negotiable,left to interpretation, grey.
Sometimes we're forced to bend the truth, transform it,
cause we're faced with things that are not of our own making.
And sometimes things simply catch up to us.

i met this boy before he went off to work just now. )))):
i am already missing him & just by seeing him,makes my heart melts.
he was waiting for me from far & he was giving me,the favorite smile...
hehehehehehe. it's like i fell in love over & over again loh....
this boy really knows how to pull the heartstrings of my heart. (:
it's 4 more days already!!!!! *GRINS WIDELY*

i watched GOSSIP GIRL season 3 episode 4 yesterday.. OMGZZZ!
i love,love,love,love sekali!!! kept me wanting it more & more & more..
jeez. especially the part when blair flared up when he saw chuck with jenny!
when chuck bass said,"when you remember blair waldorf,remember that i'm
chuck bass & that i love you." and he kissed blair so tenderly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it's chuck bass for god's sake! he always,always have a way with me..
*SWOONS*

Sometimes two hearts just can't dance at the same beat.

if life was simpler..

2009-10-07T16:22:00.002+08:00

"But sometimes,
we just have to be happy with what people can offer us.
Even if it's not what we want, at least it's something.
You know?"

it's wednesday and i had to wake up early as 7 just now,sacrifice myself..
MEETING on my off day. SHEEEESSSHHHHH. what to do?
and now,i couldn't even fucking sleep in bloody peace ah! goddamn it!
from 1 pm just now,assholes upstairs have been drilling & fucking drilling..
even with maximum volume on my itouch,it's still..... ANNOYING AH!
sigh. all the "don't get mad or irritated easily" mantra is NEVER GOING TO WORK.

i get mad easily,get irritated very easily & always get so fucked up! HAHA.
you can ask the boy.. poor boy! always the person where i vent on. heh.
sigh. sigh. sigh. am off to my aunt's house at yishun,where i could at least,
have some peace & quiet,i think. like i would. the kids! *rolls eyes*

the way you fit into my arms that night,
i'll remember that feeling for the rest of my life.

the boy's birthday is in 5 more days & i'm sure ready. get set,GO.
the surprise's ready,the present's ready & everything is ready. yay! (:
everyone's 21st birthday has to be special & that's what am going to give him.
well,i hope it's not too much & that he would love it.. hehehehehe.

october,october... i still want to raya sey. ): i have yet to raya with the boy.
so sad nak mampos sia. i hope this saturday works ah. )))))))))))))))))):
but whatever it is,i cannot wait for next week!!!! heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Maybe that's what happens;
you fall in love to fall apart,
& yet you'll always want to do it again.

hello october.

2009-10-01T22:06:00.002+08:00

nobody wants to hear this,but sometimes the person
that you want the most,is the person that you're best without.

i can't risk not having the 1st day of a new month without updating!
and,so here i am. (: hello october! so far,1st of october is full of love.
despite being angry,irritated all the time,i am filled with love & care..
it's a very good way to start a new month with.. october,be good.

i am still complementing on what to do for the boy,this & that.
i just got all stressed up planning for his so called,"BIG" DAY!
heeee! it's not everyday you see a boy turning 21,the time of the life,they say.
but thinking of what's coming,i don't want to keep on looking. seriously..
it's going to be the end of the year soon,i'm turning 21 next year. 21!! JEEZ.

It’s funny how hello is always accompanied with goodbye,
It's funny how good memories can start to make you cry.
It’s funny how forever never seems to really last,
It's funny how much you'd lose if you forgot about your past.

The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks.
seventeen year old veronica miller life turned upside down when,
her parents divorced & her family moved to north carolina..
3 years & she remained alienated from her family & never speaking to her dad.
until then,her mother tells that she & her brother were to spend the whole summer,
with her dad. ronnie's rebellious & resentful & did things to anger her dad.
but when she meets will,the person she never thought she would fall for,
she finds herself opening up to the greatest happiness & pain.
5/5 stars!

i highly recommends n. spark's latest book,if you're looking for a good read.
he always has a way with his readers. always knows to pull the heartstrings of,
his readers heart... it's wonderful,heartbreaking & really opens up your eyes.
i cried,cried & cried till the end of the book. seriously,GO READ IT.

The truly painful goodbyes,
are the ones that are never said,
and never explained.

goodbye september.

2009-09-30T22:31:00.004+08:00

Love can tear you apart,and kill you.
But if you're lucky,it can put you back together.

dang! i missed yesterday's date,which is BTW,quite nice. sheesh.
yesterday's was 29/09/09. but neverminds,it slipped. heeeeeee.
today,as all of you may know... it's the end of september!!! I KNOW! ):
time just flies. and flies. and flies. and flies. never ends.
plus,it's getting scarier by the minute,actually. SIGH SIGH SIGH.

i didn't know we could feel the tremor of the earthquake till,
my regular customers called me to ask whether i felt it too. -_____-
jeez. what do you expect? I CANNOT FEEL ANYTHING. NOT AT ALL.
but it's very eerie lah actually.. of which,i couldn't feel it.
imagine,sekali the whole building collapse without warning eh!

When someone breaks your heart,
Don't walk away. Stay and fight.
And sometimes it's better the second time around.

tomorrow,it marks a new month & i hope october won't disappoint me.
thank you,september.. you have served me well indeed. even with hiccups.
september may have or may not be the worst month but it did gave me joy.
i think,"wake me up when september ends" no longer will occur. (:
september comes,september goes. but thank you,september..

after the first of the day of a new month tomorrow,it's 11 more days!!!!!
the boy's 21st BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! OMGZZZZZ. i am soooo dead meat.
i want his 21st to be special,be what he really look forward to.
just pray,pray that it would be a good one for the one i love the most..
i'm really crossing my fingers & am already hoping!!!!! GOOD LUCK,EFF!

Your heart just breaks,That's all.
But you can't judge or point fingers.
You jsut have to be lucky enough,
to find someone who appreciates you.

give it time..

2009-09-28T11:37:00.002+08:00

It’s not the big events that hurt the most,
but rather the smallest questionable shift in tone,
at the end of a spoken word that
can plow most deeply into the heart.

1 week of raya has almost passed us,huh? time flies,time flies...
not so much raya-ing this year.. well. not surprise at all. not at all.
but i had fun this raya,a bit more lively than last year's raya. (:
and we covered quite a few houses on the first day even though,
i was working & had to continue on after work again. hehehehe.

today,is my off day. damn the pay. if not,i would be on the way to bugis!!
sigh. my wadrobe has almost malfunctioning. it seriously needs A BOOST!
before boosting it more,i need to lose more weight lah! TSSSK.
i gained so much weight back instead of losing it on ramadhan.... ))):
GAAAAHHHHHHH.

Success is often achieved by those,
who don't know that failure is inevitable.

work is hell,as usual. books coming in like nobody's business. dang.
but for now,for today,all i wanna think about is rest. rest. rest.
then back to work,work,work! YAY! yay abes ah doh! hahahaha.
the boy's birthday is coming soon,OMGZ. what to do,what to buy?!
by the time pay comes in again,am gonna be broke,broke,broke. )):

i'm thinking of buying for the boy,a gadget. he hinted something..
but he have a psp already what!!! why haven't pass ur tp ah boy?!
i buy for you gilera kan senang! hahahahahaha. mcm paham!
aiya! so difficult ah finding presents for guys,especially...........
the ones whom you love the most! irritating gilerrrr ahhhh.

Sometimes you cannot believe what you see.
You have to believe what you feel.
And if you are ever going to have other people to trust you,
you must feel that you can trust them too.
Even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling.

syawal tiba.

2009-09-19T16:33:00.002+08:00

Life changes. You get it all lined up just the way you like it,
& then something beyond your control comes along & bumps you off center.
How nice it would be if you could get everything just the way you want it & say,
'Okay, now, stay.' But nothing stays the same.
You grow up, make friends,lose friends, go to college, lose track of people,
meet new ones,& sometimes you ask yourself why.
But all I can tell you is the every single experience,
you go through like this changed you in some way.
Every new person who comes into your life changes you.
Every moral dilemma or emotional experience you come up against changes you.
It`s your job, you decide how. That`s how character is developed.

it's been a long time isn't it since i updated? now,ramadhan almost ending!
the holy month,ends & syawal will emerge. how fast huh? sigh. time really flies!
it just felt that it was only yesterday,that we have started fasting.... ):
when fasting starts,we want it over & done with,but when it ends... the other way!
it feels like,time's moving too fast.. i can't catch up.

today's my off day.. tomorrow working but will only be at 3 pm. sad,eh?
second day of hari raya,holiday too & am working again. ))): BAH.
every raya,there's a different feeling to it. i'm gonna hear the takbir at night. ):
it's always like a routine,and every year,i would feel the pinch & cry.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that.

I,EFF CULLEN BASS. hehehehehehe!
saye ingin mengucapkan selamat hari raya kepada semua yang menyambutnya!
maaf zahir dan batin. ampunkan segala dosa2 saya,halalkan makan dan minum ye?
kalau tersalah kata,termakan benda,terminum air... harap maklum! (:
sekali lagi,SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the last song.

2009-09-07T01:33:00.002+08:00

It hurts to say goodbye to the person you almost gave your life to.
Because you know life won't be the same without him.
But it's better to give up a feeling,than to fight.
And know you're the only one fighting.

hey,hasn't it been a long time already? good god,it has.. sheesh.
it's already the 6th september. first week of a new month has already gone. =/
time flies,really. plus,it's already the 16th of RAMADHAN. OMGDNESS.
well,aniways,thank god blogger bug is already gone. thank goodness. (:
i have been waiting for it to get fixed like FOREVER!

how's life so far? it has been reasonably fine,as what it may seems to be.
here & there,i'm still coping & alive. work's been hell too! stocktake coming!!
god,i HATE stocktake while it's the fasting month. early mornings,late nights..
busy,busy & messy store. good god. i'm so dreading it. )))):

As a matter of fact,I don't know what love is.
But you know who taught me? Yes, you.
You taught me that love has ups and downs
And love is strong and thin.You taught me that love is no game,
And something real.Something you have to take care of.
Something that isn't worthy any amount of money.
Something that can't be seen or felt.
You taught me every single thing I know about love.

now that blogger is fixed,you see a happy me blogging almost EVERYDAY.
be prepare to get bored,moan,groan over my every updates! hehehehehe. :p
well,exaggerating a bit only hor. heh. i'm so knackered!!! JEEZ.
what to do? you work for a living,a living is what you work for....

before i start to ramble & rave nonsense & make you all feel like puking,
i better end today's entry! (: I IS VERY HAPPY TODAY. thanks,blogger!
i need to get some rest,some decent sleep... like,NOW! PRONTO!
well,goodnight world. i see you when i see you. xoxo.

Your heart just breaks,that's all.
But you can't judge or point fingers.
You jsut have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you.

somewhere near you.

2009-08-26T10:13:00.002+08:00

"I used to think of you that way, you know. Like the sun.
My personal sun. You balanced out the clouds nicely for me."
He sighed. "The clouds I can handle. But I can't fight with an eclipse."

i felt like it was super long since i last updated or not? blogger. sigh.
the reason i don't update often was because of blogger lah please! )):
it's still being a prat,apparently! but,please.. get well soon,blogger.
i don't wish to always waking up to blogger being this. sheessh.

today,is wednesday & off day,thank god. i'm so tired these days!! =/
what more it being the fasting month? running here & there,work load!
today,accompanying kak nurul to far east for her to do her hair.. lol.
she with forever doing her hair,forever want to change it this & that.
talking about hair,i have to do something to my hair,too. for raya.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *kening naik-naik*

There are just some people you always go back to.

it's the 5th day,alhamdullilah. so far,so good. i'll hope it continue.
little miss red,i beg you do not visit me till end of september,i hope.
well,though impossible.. i hope you wait a little bit longer before visiting..
hehehehehe. i want to terawih,fast & do everything in this holy month. (:

to my people i love birthdays that i missed because of work & blogger,
here goes nothing....

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY EMIRA!!! <3
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY DARLS EHA!!! <3
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY NINIE!!!!!!!!!!!! <3

may all of you be blessed with happiness & love throughout... (:
may god blessed all of you till ripe old age & have a happy life!
a year older again,a year full of obstacles ahead. life is funny in every way..
may all of you succeed in everything you do.. lots of love!!!!
i love all of you,no doubt! ((:

"You see, you closed your eyes. That was the difference.
Sometimes you cannot believe what you see,
you have to believe what you feel.
And if you are ever going to have people trust you,
you must feel that you can trust them, too —
even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling"

salam ramadhan.

2009-08-23T12:37:00.002+08:00

They're each other worst habits,after all they've been through.
after all the fights, breakups, and abuse,they still go back to each other.
Old habits are hard to break.

i didn't had a chance to wish all muslims out there,
selamat menyambut ibadat puasa,everyone!! it's the holy month! (:
how time flies,huh? it's already the 2nd day,alhamdullilah.
little miss red hasn't been haunting me yet,i hope not too early.
if possible,i want to fast fully this month. heh.

work's been a hell of a ride. i am still coping,still surviving.
there may be here & there,full of obstacles but i shall make it.
i will make it through this rain,like how mariah carey sings it..
i shall get up again & prove myself,prove to them! I SHALL.

I don't blame you anymore for my unhappiness.
I loved, and I lost, but this bitterness is slowly going away.

i think i really,really need to control my anger. sigh.
it's getting out of hand.. what's happening to me? why god?
why am i easily irritated? scold people for nothing? WHY?!!
i don't want to get old fast,grow into a old hag who loves to nag!
well,i'm not one. i really am not. but why am i like this?!!!
ARGHHHHH. breathe.

dear god,please guide me through this,i'm sure you will.
i'm asking your guidance,to let me through this path i'm going..
ya allah,i know you are testing me & i know life will be better..

Every morning it was the same battle,the same endless fight.
One that she was forced to fight every morning.
One that she would never win. I'll never win with you.

as you wish.

2009-08-17T13:09:00.003+08:00

Hold your head high; don't be afraid to say goodbye.
Stay true and be you. do everything there is to do.
Live life to the fullest and never look back -
There is a reason for the future and a reason for the past.

i wish life would just be simpler,sometimes..
well,don't we all feel that life's unfair?
but dear god,
i know that you have plans for me & someday,
you're gonna roll the dice again.
and fate will be different. =/

Love til it hurts; laugh til you cry.
And when your life flashes before you die,
Be happy for what you've done,
Be happy for what you've overcome,
And most of all, be proud of what you've become.

beautiful life.

2009-08-14T12:42:00.003+08:00

I've been learning to live without you.
But I miss you sometimes. I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter.
But my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to shatter.
But I think it's about forgiveness.
Forgiveness. Even if you don't love me anymore.

HAPPY 37TH,HONEY BEE. <3
it's been a wonderful journey with you & you know it. (:
nothing can ever replace the love i have for you,sayang...
even though we do have our ups & downs moments,you know i still am with you.
and nothing,can ever,ever changed that. i love you.

this was supposed to be yesterday but as usual,a day later. heh!
& dang flabbit,blogger is STILL NOT WORKING PROPERLY! jeez!
same goes to facebook. SWEET NIBLETS!!!! WHAT THE HELL?!!!!!!
god. technology drives me crazy sometimes... LIKE REAL CRAZY!
for god's sake!

Don't waste your time regretting all your wrongs.
Know that in the end, you'll get what your heart longs.
Try not to risk it all; don't stumble; don't fall.
Take the time to read the writings on the wall.

i'm watching HANNAH MONTANA! hahahaha! i know,right? lol.
it's all NATALYA'S FAULT! it's all because of her!! haaaaaa.
i love cartoons! plus,hannah montana just really cracks me up!
SWEET NIBLETS! hehehehehehehe. toodles! till then. xoxo.

He was different. he never said,
"i want to be friends" after he said goodbye.
It was like he knew, he knew that he had broken my heart bad enough,
when he saw my tears fall.
He knew me well enough that he knew just what to say.
And when he spoke, he looked me in the eyes and said,
"I hope you talk to me again someday."

it seems all real.

2009-07-29T23:41:00.002+08:00

Is anybody satisfied with who they really are?
You could be the moon,and still be jealous of the stars.

it was a wednesday. i think,a wednesday to remember very much. ):
a hurtful wednesday & still,i find solace in it. weird much? but,yes.
i find comfort,i think that i'm already trying to overcome my darkest fear.
some people may want to say what they want but this is me. it is.

i am right now,playing pet society & meanwhile,waiting for the boy. sigh.
i hate fishing in reality & fishing in pet society! i know,no connection at all.
but,i is may seem unlucky that i cannot seem to catch any fish at all!
it all was for,"the fish got away." GODDAMN IT PLEASE!!! grrrrrrrr..

The ones stuck in the past are eventually,
the ones fighting to get out of it,
while everyone else is wishing to go back.

i have now,11,705 coins for effy in pet society & i AM TEMPTED TO USE!
if only i have that much money in my bank account right now. SIGH. =/
well,DREAM ON AH EFF! keep on dreaming,maybe one day,you'll get it! haaa. =p
speaking of which,my bank account almost DRY. ALREADY?!! i know right?
it's only 30th of JULY & I AM ALREADY MONEY-DRIED. SIGH SIGH SIGH.
god,save me.

it's almost closed to midnight now & i really need to take a bath.
i finished 2 books today & i'm already finishing the 3rd book. (:
maybe after this,while waiting for the boy,i shall finish it.
well,ta everyone. na nights,world.

love is the condition in which the happiness,
of another person if essential to your own.

knock you down.

2009-07-28T18:32:00.004+08:00

In this life you need to realize one thing --
The only way not to get hurt is to hurt someone first.

it's a tuesday & i thought i would have a fun-filled day at work,but no.
ms red just have to come at this time,huh? she really spoils my mood.
not only it is bloody goddamn painful but excruciatingly sighness. )):
till i can't walk,i can't smile nor laugh. i want to just SCREAM!!!
i hate. i hate. i hate the time of the month. jeez.

today is bestfriend's birthday & i hate blogger for this!! SIGH.
where are all the normal posts? the normal things blogger used to have?!
stupid,stupid. problems after problems after problems..
when would all this end huh,blogger? would you be good,for once?!

People have scars. In all sorts of unexpected places.
Like secret road maps of their personal histories.
Diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our wounds heal,
leaving nothing behind but a scar, but some of them don't.
Some wounds we carry with us everywhere,
and though the cut's long gone, the pain still lingers.

and today,someone's special day...........

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BESTFRIEND!!!!!! ((:
welcome to the 20 SEN CLUB! hehehehe. do not deny it,please!! =p
whatever it is,you're still a budak kecik to me!! BLUERKS AH! hahaha.
you're a year older today & i hope it would bring you more happiness..
& that you will be blessed till ripe old age,insyallah.
i love you tons,sayang!!! <3 *lots & lots of loving from me*

so,now,i'm going to have a rest before the cramps started again. =/
but right now,i am relieved. i am feeling much,much better from just now.
just now was worst. it almost literally drained all the energy outta me.
i almost couldn't walk,couldn't smile nor laugh. sheeessh.

Have you ever thought that if one thing hadn't happened,
a whole set of things never would have either?

the pain,it lingers.

2009-07-27T12:27:00.003+08:00

People have scars, in all sorts of unexpected places.
Like secret road maps of their personal histories.
Diagrams of all their old wounds.
Most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar,
but some of them don't. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere,
and though the cut's long gone, the pain still lingers.

i do not know what is wrong with blogger! sheesh.
when would all these bugs stop destroying my means to update!!!!
i know,it's been a while since i updated! it's going to be a new month soon!!!
time flies,huh? it's going to be the month of fasting already! )):

today,is monday and thank god it's my off day! i hate mondays. =/
it irks me & sometimes,it annoys the hell of out me! jeez. lucky me!
but i hope today won't annoy the shit outta me cos i want to rest..
i'm tired of working,working,getting nothing & only getting shits.
but they say,"when the going gets tough,the tough gets going.."

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was flat?
That way we could just push off the people we don't like.

the boy has been unmistakably sweet lately & it's a good sign. i hope?
it's good for us,good for me only that he would be more irritating!!!
it annoys me,it sometimes made me laugh so hard that i wish i could strangle him!
that boy really knows how to make me tick! SIGH.

the baby boy's birthday is coming up & now,A TRANSFORMERS CAKE! -_____-
i am becoming more bankrupt & broke than it ever was left. sigh.
god,save me please? this little boy is small but VERY DEMANDING.
jeez.

Never underestimate the pain of a person,
because the truth is everyone is struggling.
It's just some people hide it better than others.

a walk to remember.

2009-07-15T11:47:00.005+08:00

At one time in your life,
the one you have loved the most will unexpectedly turn out to be,
the greatest stranger you have ever met.

*YAWNS* i am still sleepy,maybe after this i go back to sleep! heh.
today is my off day but i got a lot to do since my dear mother is out!
i have to clean the house,sleep & eat & eat. hahahaha! *ROFL*
but later in the afternoon,have to fetch the baby boy from school.
sigh sigh.

work is hell,as usual. not enough staffs,run here & there. bleargh.
stocks always & forever comes in like crazy,never ending. sheesh!
it's going to be august soon,so sad. july is ending!! JULY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
time always pass us by so fast,very very fast huh? )):

and so yesterday was......

HAPPY 3RD,BABE!
the day has finally come,huh? it's the 14th of july,some time,this day,
3 years ago,i fell in love with you & i haven't regretted it since then. (:
it's been 3 years hell of a ride,don't you think so baby? & we made it through!
i'm glad that even after 3 years,i still find myself deeply in love with you.
thank you,for still loving me all these while.

yesterday,to celebrate,the boy and i went to catch ICE AGE 3,3D!!!!! (:
it's very hilarious!! you all should go & catch it.. 5/5 popcorn stars!
throughout the whole show,you guys would be laughing & laughing...
HAHA! i feel like watching it again & again. cannot wait for HARRY POTTER!
SATURDAY,SATURDAY! <3

The beautiful thing about memories is that they are yours,
whether they are good, bad or indifferent.. they belong to you.
& no matter where life takes you, your memories tie you to where you've been.

in order.

2009-07-12T17:54:00.004+08:00

You'll never know how strong you are,
until being strong is the only choice you have.

it's SUNDAY!!!!! my final day of weekend rest & it's back to hell! sheesh.
i wonder how's the state of the store,right now eh? hmmmmmm! messy,confirm!
but right now,my sunday is all i want to think about.. my sunday!!
just rest,watch tv.. read books. laze around & just exercise a bit?! HAAAAAA!
so much for exercise? the boy stuffed food inside my mouth!! LOL!

half of the day today was spent with the boy,celebrating our advance ann! (:
i bought for him his pressie & presented to him.. the look on his face,PRICELESS!
if you're wondering what? as usual,it's his graphic novels... *ROLLS EYES*
a stack of spiderman graphic novels collection,just for him. hehh.
it will only take him,1 day to finish all... that if he's not working! (:

Sometimes we take for granted the people
in our lives that mean so much.
& when we finally realize that, it can be too late
Take advantage of every minute you have,
hold onto & cherish every second.
Have no regrets & never forget those that made you who you are.

i think another celebration will be a belated one on tuesday? KRIK?
i think so ah. because,yours truly is working on that day & want to take,
hours off from work so that i can spend time with my boy! hehehehehehehe.
3 years sure pass by very fast huh? in just a blink of an eye!!!
and the next thing you know,it's already 2010!!! OMGZ! so scary,right!

and i'm hooked to TWEET DECK! ZOMG! it's very3,addictive & NICE!
i keep changing colours,i keep on tweeting like nobody's business.. HEH!
it's like i'm tweeting & replying to tweets every second. heh! LAME.
twitter is really,really addictive! if you have thoughts like every second,
JUST BLAST IT OFF! hahahahahahahaha. i do that,everytime! ROFL.

Never be afraid to try something new,
because life gets boring when you stay within the limits
of what you already know.

on the other side.

2009-07-11T15:12:00.003+08:00

Sometimes you just can't tell someone how you feel.
Not because you don't trust them, and you think they'll think you're weird,
but because you can never really find the right words to make them understand.

it's saturday,bitches!!!! yayyy! i am on my 2 days off on weekends! heee!
alhamdullilah,i am feeling better,i'm up and alive after being sick for 2 days! (:
vitamin c helps alot,trust me. right now,i think i need to take it regularly!
plus,exercise tooo! yeah,right. HAHAHAHAHAHA! *ROLLS EYES*

the boy is working today,it's 3 more days!! i am so mentel like that. heh.
i have already bought for him something,wrote the card,which only left with..
i have a big picture to print,a small cake to buy later,etc.. etc! hahahahaha.
it may be simple & it has to be celebrated earlier because we both,are busy!!!
right. so much for being busy eh? *ROFL* yes what! our schedules clashed!

Anything is possible.
Someone can tell you you have a 90% chance,
a 50% chance,or even a .0001% chance,
but if you don't try,if you don't fight,you get nothing.

right now,i am taking all my strength,my everything to make it happened.
i'm taking a risk here. i am going to need all the courage & support i have..
because,i,for one believe that i can do it. well,a bit. a little tiny one.
there's no point staying when people don't appreciate your hard work!
you slaved,you worked like hell & what did you get? NOTHING! ZILCH.
but the ones who get noticed are who? the bootlickers! the FAVORITES!
damn you all. i do not believe in sucking up like that. NO.

aniways,back to being normal & not angry. hahahahaha. i am insane,i know!
yesterday was certified,my most clumsiest day ever! wait,when i haven't been?!
hahaha. i am the clumsiest,silliest & dumbest ever! haaaarrr deeee haaaarrr!
well,today maybe watching fireworks from changi or east coast? haha.
i do not want to go to town without the boy. -_________-

Sometimes you need a breakdown.
One of those yell at everyone,cry until you fall and can’t breathe,
kind of breakdowns.Then you feel better.
And if you don’t,at least people will know your not okay.